Day 120 of Gratitude – Being Different

Many people surround themselves with those who are substantially similar in race and cultural attitudes. I have never had that option. At the moment, I can’t think of a half-Caucasian, half-Asian person I know other than four I’m related to. Nor do I know of anyone, other than my brother, raised in an amalgamation of midwest, white middle-class and Japanese-American cultures. I’ve never had the option of surrounding myself with people who look like I do, have the same notions of what is polite and what is forbidden, or share my deeply ingrained beliefs about how I, as an individual, fit into society.

I see people cling to what is familiar and say that people who don’t look, think, or act like them are abnormal, weird, or sometimes even evil. They don’t attempt to understand anything else – they have no reason to. And I am glad that was never an option available to me. I enjoy the perspectives of others – Scottish, Somalian, Chinese, Croatian, Nigerian, Italian, Vietnamese, Russian, Irish – you name it. Their family customs are rich and, more often than not, have some core values at the heart of them that reinforce my own beliefs or at least allow me to understand them better.

I’m not sure why I thought about this today, but being different – growing up around people who were not like me – has been a blessing for which I am grateful.

 

Day 100 of Gratitude – a Spring Evening

The sunshine played with the ends of my hair and the spring breeze cooled my cheeks. And I walked. I walked silently along sidewalks and cut through lumpy grass mounds the newly green lawns. The crystal blue sky above me was calming. Birds flutter past and called from distant trees. Children squealed on the school playground while others readied their bikes for a new season. Other walkers smiled generously and nodded as they went their way. My husband’s hand folded around mine as I walked, surrounding not just my hand but all of me with warmth and comfort. And we kept walking, noticing each moment and the joys of spring it held.

Day 76 of Gratitude – The stillness of the soul

I was never one to panic. No matter what the situation, I determined what needed to be done immediately, rallied the people and resources necessary to accomplish it, and kept everything moving. It wasn’t until afterwards that I’d sit back and let the stressful thoughts of “what would have happened if” wash through me. At one law firm I became known as the one who would remain calm in a crisis and was sought out for that purpose.

There was nothing special about how I did this; it was simply a matter of quieting my mind and working from the stillness of my soul. The brain gets flooded by future thoughts and disasters while the soul remains calm and steady. It leads me to what I need.

Last week, I forgot that. But over the past few days, I listened to my soul rather than my easily diverted brain and rediscovered what I needed – a loving husband and good friends who bring me back to the center that is always there but easily forgotten without the stillness of the soul.

 

Day 66 of Gratitude – My bowl-shaped life

I’m not an environmentalist, feminist, humanist, capitalist or much of any kind of “-ist.” I believe in some of the principles at the core of some of the -ists listed above, but if called on to shout or crash cymbals or wave banners in the faces of others, I shy away. I’ve thought that meant I lacked conviction – that I was weak. But it actually reflects something very different – it reflects a basic outlook and attitude toward other people.

Everyone sees themselves at the center of the disk of their personal universe – we lack the omniscience to avoid that. The contours of that disk vary, however, from person to person. I came to realize this through a friend who sees life as a constant battle. His disk rises up to form a pinnacle on which he stands, using words, actions, and any tool at his disposal to fight off those who grab at him from below. On his disk, those people are evil or misguided, trying to defeat his superior path of truth. He fights the noble fight and hopes it will lead to others seeing his truth and joining him. This view, I suspect, is typical of an -ist. But the shape of that disk is very different from my own.

My disk is shaped like a bowl. The center forms a base. Not only is the base accessible from the entire bowl, it supports it.  The base doesn’t fight the sides, but rather accepts whatever they bring into the bowl and remains unchanged. That is closer to my approach to life. I accept others as they are rather than demanding they become something else. For me, it doesn’t weaken my beliefs, but it often strengthens them. And I share my beliefs with them in quiet conversation of mutual listening.

Neither approach is right or wrong and neither indicates a greater or lesser commitment to a belief. Rather, they are simply different approaches to others. I don’t lack conviction in my beliefs, but rather my nature drives me to express them in a manner different from that of  an -ist. This understanding allows me to enjoy the benefits of being a bowl.

 

 

 

Day 61 of Gratitude – Silliness

Some people approach life as a battle. They trudge along with every thought and action weighed down by the seriousness of the consequences to themselves and others. This is an outlook I’ve learned as an adult and employ it too often. In fact, I find myself coming out of a long period where I couldn’t find my way back to the joy of life. But now I have and there is one key – silliness.

20140302_124455Silliness isn’t a sign of immaturity or irresponsibility. Rather, it is a celebration of the gifts we’ve been given and a recognition of the impermanence of this life. Troubles will pass, regardless of whether I bury myself in their weight or rejoice in laughter. I choose the grin when I see ridiculous six-foot fake fish hanging across the room, the warmth of the sun I drew on the wall when I hadn’t seen the real one in days, and the squealing fits of uncontrollable giggles when my husband tickles me. Silliness is good.