Being normal?

I am on hold.  Waiting.  John is editing one of my novels, and for a change, I am waiting patiently.  And not writing.  I am … trying to be a normal person.

This is longest I have gone without writing ANY fiction since November 28, 2008.  As the writers out there understanding, NOT writing is hard.  In fact, the first few days of not writing are devastating.  As the mental endorphins exhaust themselves, an abyss swallows the writer’s brain – an acute depression that goes away in a few days as the brain chemistry flattens.  Then comes the antsy-ness.  The crawling out of your skin thinking about changes in what was just written.  Wanting to tinker because … well, just because.  That’s usually when I start to write something again.

I’ve gotten past the fidgety stage this time.  And it is … not bad.  In fact, it’s almost comfortable – like normal life.  It reminds me of looking in the mirror once when I was little and seeing my mother’s silk kimono swimming around me, and a pair of her high heels thrust like aircraft carriers around my feet.  At that moment, I could imagine myself as an elegant woman, in beautiful attire.  But then I wobbled on the spiked heel and knew that I’d rather laugh and roll on the grass than work on walking gracefully across a room.

The feeling I have now is much the same.  The person in the mirror has the potential to be normal.  I could spend my evenings watching TV rather than researching and writing.  If I worked at it, I could keep my head in the real world and consider only concrete events. If I worked at it, maybe the stories and dialog in my head would be silenced.  If I worked at it.

But then, the shoe wobbles, and I know that I won’t work at it.  I’d rather dress up like a Vulcan, or have a virtual popcorn battle with my friends, or just laugh and roll on the cool, fragrant grass of my imagination.  After all, in the words of one of my fictional characters:

“Normal is just the average of other people’s lives.  Why would I want to be average?”

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One Response to Being normal?

  1. John says:

    Uh… Spock. Lightsabers. You ain’t normal. Stop trying.

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